katriona_s (katriona_s) wrote,

About friendship

Today after work I went to see my 2 friends in some Spanish restaurant in Tokyo. They are my close friends and it's after months to see them so I should feel happy about it, but frankly I've felt ... a bit reluctant all day.

One of the reasons was obviously the place. First we were going to go to some casual Spanish Bar, but one of my friends changed it for more "real" restaurant, It meant more expensive food, and when I checked the restaurant's website I found their "recommendation" was all sea food. I like grilled fish very much but I don't like any shellfish, and I don't like raw food like sashimi, carpaccio, smoked fish and cured ham(I know they are not raw, but for me fish or meat which are not heated enough are "kind of raw food". The only raw food I like is vegetable.) ... so real Spanish cuisine is not for me. But my 2 friends have no dislike about food and they have great passion for eating, then what could I tell them??

And I think it's not the real reason of my reluctance. I've known them over 25 years, especially recent 15 years we've spent many time together, eating, chatting, traveling etc. So we know each other well, both of forte ...and faults. All of us have our own faults, and a friend is a friend despite their countless shortcomings for I know their charms as well, and they are patient with MY faults as I am with theirs. So I haven't minded their shortcomings ...until recently.

But frankly, lately, one of those friends - I call her M here - often irritates me when we meet. I feel really guilty about it, she is a good friend, and a able, smart and beautiful woman. The problem is that she herself knows that she is able, smart and beautiful, she considers herself very worthy to her friends. I have known this arrogance for years and can be tolerant of it because she is also a kind woman and freely use her ability to please her friends, I have always valued her kind heart. But I have never valued her intelligence much, she is very smart but not as wise as she believes to be, her speaking often sounds a bit secondhand, borrowing someone else's opinion. And it's her know-it-all attitude that makes me really unpleasant lately.

This is serious. We sometimes get mad at our friends, but we can make up with them again and again if we can keep our respect for them at the bottom of our heart, in my opinion. And now I worry about I might lose my respect for M.
Now we are not in our twenties, we are busier and more self-centred than before therefore it's more difficult to find new friends, I don't want to come to dislike her. So recently I try not to see her alone, today, too, it's me who invited one more friend to avoid meeting M by myself.

Friendship is a precious thing, and it stand on a subtle balance between many feelings. And it's not easy to keep a friendship for a long time. Tonight, after meeting my friends and enjoying the illumination around Tokyo station, I was just thinking about it...
Tags: daily life, thought

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