katriona_s (katriona_s) wrote,

some fear

I live with mother in a small house but we spend most of time in each rooms. To share the schedules each other we hang a calendar on the wall of living room and have written our plans like "Haiku meeting" "Yoga class" "eating out with Mrs. K" in the cells. And we have often told each other like "What time are you coming home today?" "I'll meet B after work and won't have supper at home" before I leave for office in the morning. Now all these information and conversation are gone, we don't need them. We don't go out. And some talking at lunch or supper time together is enough to share the information.

This might be not bad. But, the schedule on my pocket notebook is literally empty, I have no plan I'm looking for. This emptiness makes me feel like I have no future, and feel quite uneasy. Of course I can make plans for anything in near future - next month, or in spring, but I'm afraid that it would bring me big disappointment if it would need to be cancelled.

With no meeting nor talking with friends, co-workers and the people I have usually met in my usual life, sometimes I feel rather isolated, my existence is floating in midst of nothing. I know full well that now most of people are in such situation like me, I'm a rather fortunate one with my mother living with me. So this is not a complaint, not at all.
But sometimes I feel scared, am afraid that I might have forgotten how to make plans or how to communicate with people.

Well... at least we have had nice weather today, during the daytime it's warm enough to enjoy outdoor air. During my work hours I went out into the garden sometimes, stretched my arms or did some light exercise. On lunchtime I made a short walk in our neighbourhood. The cloudless sky, warm sunshine and fresh chilly air made me feel a bit lively :)
Tags: daily life, thought

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