Still I found I couldn't do my job at all in my office today, I could not understand - I understood logically, but not with the sympathy nor positively - the papers I myself had written for the project. I was literally lost in my job, had no idea what I should do next. I have never (or, seldom ^_^;) been loyal to the company I work for but mostly I've been a good worker, serious about my own job and very often felt pleasure in doing it. But now I feel very strange to my job... feel no pleasure in my office but also no hatred, very insensitive - and I think this is the worst. I have looked at the papers and browse websites for hours trying to find the hints of the solution of the current problem but got no fruits. I doubt if I was awake in real meaning and wonder if I should go to the mental hospital or something.
Maybe(hopefully) this is just a numbness from the mental stress or just means I don't want to do this job or don't believe its value at the bottom, ...but this is the job they gave me and I have not done any of it for days... for weeks I'm afraid, I have to find how to do about it. It could be a pleasure to loaf on the job sometimes, but such idleness continues for days and weeks... it's just a torture, I keenly feel that this situation has been killing my mental health day by day. I really want to do my job properly, proceed the project, then concentrate on my private life too. But I have no idea how I should handle the situation with no one I can ask the help or exchange the opinions... sigh.