katriona_s (katriona_s) wrote,
katriona_s
katriona_s

depression in the morning

The long, exhausting hot days ... the summer heat is now fading at last. And this summer is going with many disasters - heavy rain, typhoon and earthquake - flood and landslides, and victims.

Recently, the temperature has been moderate in the early morning when I wake up, sometimes rather comfortable (though it's still hot in daytime). Today, around 6 a.m. I woke up, looked at my rabbit Tako strolling in the room (I let the door of her cage open during the night for she had always made noise in it at midnight, so she spends the night anywhere she likes in my room XD) and thought... now I was going to wake up, change into the clothes and pack my lunch, then go to the damned office for the stupid job. Nothing enjoyable, and what's the meaning of this daily routine, this daily life?

Of course, I earn my living with my job, and I own many precious things in my life. My house, my rabbit, etc, I know it well. Still it seemed to me that this daily life was quite meaningless. And other people's life didn't look meaningful, neither. Most of our life in this modern world seems to be driven by the force of habit, we exist just to consume the products and pay for them, exist as a tiny part of the general public. Among them, what seems to me to have meaning is, for example, raising children? At least the life of mothers seems to have some importance, I feel. But I'm sure even if I'd be a wife and mother, and had children, still I'd feel just like this, the emptiness of my life.

This might be just a depression, not very serious, but this feeling has been so familiar to me since my youth. Even as a child I'd felt that I've been wasting my precious time.
And I've known well to drive this blue feeling away I just need to create, write or draw something, anything. So I should start with finding the energy to write... though just doing so seemes to be rather difficult. Little energy I can find...

Anyway, I woke up from my futon, changed clothes, cleaned Tako's toilet and fed her, packed my lunch, had breakfast and left for the office. And this ordinary, dull day has ended without anything creative...
Tags: daily life, thought, utako
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