Since my father's death in July of 2012 there have been so many things to do, think and decide, and so many changes in my life that I have felt unstable all the time. And my job situation... I believe that I'd done many good jobs which nobody else could do before but now, for more than 2 years I haven't had suitable job and couldn't use my skill at all, this really dull my skill, intuition, even brains and I'm afraid this "not doing anything meaningful at work" days have had bad influence on my private life, now it's quite difficult for me to concentrate on anything. At home I live with my mother in the small rooms during the construction of our new house, having more time to talk with mother is good but this also means that I have less privacy and less time of my own. It's difficult to find time to draw or write at the moment.
Thence I have not been able to recover my own pace of living last few years and this disorder has disturbed me a lot. I hope some quiet and relaxed hours or days would calm me down and waken my creativity, it's one of the reasons why I'm going to Switzerland next month.
The cool autumn air makes me think much, and my reflection tastes quite bitter.
I hope I'd find the escape from this dead end though I know well it's not enough to just hope...