katriona_s (katriona_s) wrote,

just a simple despair at work

Today in the office I have been at a loss. I had totally no idea what to do. I could not think anything at all.

I thought... this hopeless situation might be because of that something's wrong with the task I had been given (actually it's outrageously wrong in many points) so I have waited for this situation to change but nothing has happened for 15 months.
Or, I thought, there might be something wrong with me - physically or mentally - for we cannot think properly when we are sick, and I could not be sure at all of my sanity at work recently. I've been troubled with this situation too long and my energy was exhausted.

I know I have to solve the problem by myself for nobody is under the obligation to help me, and also I know I should ask someone for help if I can not manage the situation by myself. But there is no one who is capable enough or whom I could trust around me in the office so I have not been able to talk to anyone over a year.

I'm writing this, here, just for myself, to keep my sanity and make the situation clear & understand it. I know too well it's a naive illusion that someone would help us when we are really in trouble at work.

Maybe in near future the situation would change, or I would recover from this exhaustion and apathy, I hope. But the reality is worse than the expectation most of time. Lately I feel like I can't hope anymore.
I'm not sure. I'm just... so so so bored with just watching the computer screen all day and pretend to work. Still I could not leave here, I have to earn my living. Patience, patience...

I feel fine and calm except when I'm in the office, but I'm a bit afraid... do I sound insane when I talk about my damned job??
Tags: thought

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.