- December 9th, 22:31
Now, for almost 2 days my mind has been full of unhappines and victim mentality. I know well enough that this negative feeling is caused by not the particular reason but mostly by tiredness, and this tiredness is not physical one, caused by the lack of mental capacity or leeway to think. For weeks I've been just hurry to finish something - both at home and in the office - and no time to take a breath, always in haste and cannot relax well.
Today my mother was going out till evening and was going to eat out with her friends so after work I hastily came home, fed Mr.Uma, closed all the shutters, changed & took off my makeup, took the groceries which have been delivered during our absence into the house ... then mother came home, it's about 8pm. This meant that I counldn't monopolize our house any more and could not eat slowly and in my own pace. I hurriedly cooked for my self and hurriedly ate by myself. No time to enjoy the food. Mr.Uma made a mistake on the carpet as he has often done recently, I need to wipe the carpet. I love to let him free in my room but now he is old and cannot controll his urination well (maybe!) and often pee on my futon or on the floor.
When we are very tired, even going to bed or having rest seem to be tiresome thus lately I have sit up very late ...just because goint to the bathroom and having a bath seem to be troublesom to me.
I know I should not write about these bad feeling but this is my diary and I can find no other topic now...